A very bad conversation
Today's lesson was on writing dialogue. I'm not sure what to make of it, in regards to my writing. I've never been very comfortable writing dialogue, but the things that Jessica and Joanne described didn't seem like things I have trouble with.
According to them, there is dialogue that is too real and dialogue that is too fake. The conversations that are too real have lots of filler words, include small talk, and can't stay on topic. We also interrupt each other a lot. And yes, I have trouble with all of these things and more when I'm talking to someone. But it feels really awkward to write that way.
The conversation that is too fake is throws in lots of unnecessary information, references dates or events perfectly, and really feels like it is exposition about something rather than our characters having a conversation.
The writing prompt was another where we were asked to do something badly. In this case, to write really bad dialogue. The twist was then to do another 10 minutes writing the scenario with good dialogue. I need to practice this more.
P.S. I apologize for the terrible band name. It was the first thing I came up with while trying to finish something.
A teenager wants to borrow money from his father
Bad dialogue
“Hey dad… um… how was your day?” Martin asked.
Inwardly, he winced at his timid question. His dad looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.
“It was fine. Just another day at work,” his dad said. “So… what is it this time?”
“Oh, umm… nothing really. I was just, uh, wondering if I could borrow some money?” Martin asked.
“Just how much money and for what?” his dad asked. “I remember the last time you asked me for money on the 14th of last month. You wanted 50 dollars to go to the movies. The movie was inappropriate for you, and we grounded you for a week for sneaking off with your friends to see it.”
“Well, it’s not a movie this time. Umm, I was actually wondering...” Martin paused. “CouldIborrow100dollarstogotoaconcert?” he rapidly said.
His dad looked at him skeptically. “Just what concert and, uh, why are you so nervous about asking about it?”
“Well, I… uh… er, was hoping that you wouldn’t mind if, I uh, went with Jimmy to see Death Punkmageddon,” Martin said.
Better dialogue?
“Hey Dad, how was your day?” Martin asked.
Inwardly, he winced at his lame question. His dad looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.
“It was fine. Just another day at work,” his dad said. “I take it that you want something again?”
“Well,” Martin said while rubbing the back of his neck, “could I borrow some money?”
His dad looked at him for a moment. “Just how much money and for what?” his dad asked. “You snuck out to watch a movie your mom and I didn’t approve of last time.”
Martin looked around uncomfortably. “Well, it’s not a movie this time,” Martin said weakly. He rushed on quickly, “I was wondering if I could borrow 100 dollars to go to a concert?”
It sounded weak even to Martin’s ears.
His dad didn’t look convinced. “Just what concert, which friends, and why are you so nervous asking about it?”
“Well, Jimmy and his friends are going to go see Death Punkmageddon, and I want to go too,” Martin asked.
“If I remember correctly, that is the band that your mom has forbidden from the house. I’m going to have to say no,” his dad said firmly.