PTSD research

I have been thinking about Mack and how he is developing as a character. He's a good guy, but I see some really difficult things in him. The more I write him, the more I picture what he is like, what he has gone through, and the difficulty that he is having. He was a soldier in terrible combat and it has left its mark on him in some really bad ways. I've decided that he has PTSD, though it wouldn't be called that in the time and place he is in. If I'm going to write Mack as a person with PTSD, then I want to do it right. I don't want a hollow caricature or some kind of stereotype.

Because of this decision, I decided to read and make notes on how soldiers experience PTSD. Tonight I was reading about what triggers them, how do they feel, and what do they do when it kicks in. This reddit thread has a lot of people talking about living with some really terrible difficulties. It's heartbreaking to read. I have a friend who is a former soldier and saw combat in Iraq. I plan on talking to him about it, if he is willing to share. He's been through some brutal stuff and it left a lasting impact on him physically and mentally.

As I read these experiences, I couldn't help wonder what might have happened to me had I made some different choices in life. I nearly enlisted in the Army in 1996. I considered the idea when Shannon and I found she was pregnant and I wasn't sure how I would be able to provide for her and our child. After September 11th, I was angry and wanted to enlist. I didn't because I had a wife and two kids and there was no way I was going to subject them to that because I was an angry 28 year old.

My son is a soldier. He plans on trying to do some really difficult stuff next year. He may or may not be selected for further training, but he's going to give it his best. That frightens me. I'm a dad, we react that way when our kids decide to do something that is going to hurt them. My friend told me that at least one of three things would happen to my son if he is selected. He will get hurt. He will see friends die. He will die. That's just the facts of the job he wants and it isn't limited to one. All three can happen too.

PTSD isn't limited to soldiers. It's something that anyone can experience due to a traumatic experience. The experience of soldiers is most relevant to Mack, but I don't pretend for a second that far too many people, from all walks of life, have to live with the mental and emotional damage that awful experiences cause. I just feel sorrow knowing that this is the way it is. Some folks may say that it shouldn't be so. They are probably right, but it isn't reality. The reality is that we can experience terrible things that leave a lasting mark on us.

Fortunately, it doesn't have to be a lifelong sentence. Recovery and improvement is at least possible to some extent. That doesn't mean that we'll become whole in this life, but it can get better.